What I do want to talk about is something completely unrelated. I was in Oregon over Easter meeting the in-laws-to-be and I was so caught up in the travel and the excitement, that I feel like I really kinda missed out on the whole Easter spirit. I even got an email from Mormon.org where I have a profile asking me to post something on Facebook about my feelings on the savior, and I didn't. Their were places to go, people to see, a plane to catch and lessons to get back to.
So as school ended yesterday, I went to listen to some music while cleaning up and Youtube suggested this video. Now those who don't know me too terribly well wouldn't really understand the significance of this video for me. #1 Music is and always has been the most affective way at getting me to feel the spirit/have a change of heart/receive inspiration. #2 A few summers ago, my cousin Coltan and I put together a singing group called True North. We did firesides about Enduring and this was the last song we sang. I will never forget sitting around with the choir members during our last practice and listening to my then pre-missionary brother bear a strong testimony of the power of this song. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
I have been home from my mission for 5 years. 5 YEARS! To say that they have been the hardest and yet most rewarding years of my life would be the understatement of the century. I have loved and lost. A lot. I have struggled with self worth, with testimony and millions of other things. I have faltered and succeeded, I have felt hopeless and full of promise. So many experiences have built me up and cut me down.
I have felt that the burden I was called to bare was too much, and I have looked at the blessings a far off and thought that they would never come to me. And yet the power in the lyrics of this song have reminded me that 'Thou the very jaws of hell gape after thee, I am with thee.'
I think at times we make it so easy to feel alone. We CHOOSE to feel that way. I talk a lot on here about the atonement. I don't know that I have ever explained what that means to me. The atonement means that though I screw up and falter and fail, I can become clean, whole and successful. It means that I will be SEALED to THE MAN OF MY DREAMS, that no earthly force will ever be able to separate us, and that I will be with my parents, siblings, future children, forever.
In Oregon, the ward choir there sang this song that inspired me enough to look up the lyrics:
Behold the Wounds in Jesus Hands
Poem by John V. Pearson
Put to Music by David R. Naylor
Behold the wounds in Jesus' hands,
The Marks upon His side.
Then ponder who He meant to save
when on the cross He died.
We cannot see the love of God
Which saves us from the fall,
Yet know that Christ from wood and nails
built mansions for us all.
Behold the outstreched hands of Christ,
Our God, who came to save,
Whose love and grace redeems our souls
And lifts us from the grave.
Though bruised and battered as we stray
His guiding hands caress,
He washes and annoints with oil
Then in His arms we rest.
Behold the wounds in Jesus' hands,
Look to your Lord and live
He yearns to bless you with His love
And all your sins forgive.
Oh empty is the heart of man
When it is filled with sin.
Come open wide your broken heart
And let your Savior in!
Behold His wounded hands and feet!
Come touch and see and feel
The wounds and marks that you may know
His love for you is real.
Then as you fall to worship Him
And wash His feet in tears,
Your Savior takes you in His arms
And quiets all your fears.
I know that God lives, that Jesus is the Christ and that His sacrifice made my happiness possible. What a blessing!
Sorry...one more. :)