Friday, December 16, 2011

TMFH: Christmas Music

Just so you know, I am just like those really awesome/annoying Christmas radio stations.  Midnight Thanksgiving night, I turn into all Christmas, all the time.

Trust me, its awesome.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Joy to the World the Teacher is Dead

That's probably what my students who are currently taking a final right now are singing in their heads.  They are probably also thinking, 'Dang...She types fast.'  Cuz I'm pretty awesome like that.  I think I was actually pretty obsessed with that stupid game Mavos Beacon Typing...and I may or may not have downloaded it as an adult to  play for fun, and became so consumed with the racing game on that program that I had to stop playing because I was constantly trying to type faster.  I'm super mature. I know.

I have been so busy in the last two months or so I didn't really have time to blog.  Over Thanksgiving I ran half marathon #4 and set a personal record of 2 hours and 19 minutes.  Yes I know that is not fast, no I don't care.

I have been meaning to write a post about this for a month or so now, I just haven't gotten around to it, and I think had I written it before it wouldn't have been as meaningful as it is to me now.  Funny how life works out like that.

A few weeks after I got back from my summer vacation (read: got back from working hard for the money) our stake president stopped by our ward. He got up and talked about a girl, Elizabeth Steed, who a few years ago got up at a Youth Conference and bore her testimony.  Elizabeth was 16 at the time and told a story about how all she wanted to do was get asked to the Prom.  She knelt one night to pray and begged Heavenly Father to find her a date to Prom.  Halfway through the prayer she stood up, walked around the room and thought, 'What am I thinking??  Heavenly Father isn't worried about whether I have a date to the Prom or not.  I need to pray about things that really matter!'  So she thought for a minute, and then knelt again to pray.  As she knelt the second time, she heard these words distinctly in the silence, 'Elizabeth, Elizabeth.  What's important to you is important to me.'  She knew that it was the voice of the Spirit relaying to her that her Father in Heaven was worried about what was important to her.

Let me just stop right here and tell you that this is what I looked like after he shared that story.

So over the last few months I have thought a lot about that, but it became ever more important while having a late night convo with one of my BFF's Jenna.  She is shown HERE:
This is Jenna with the glasses, me and Louise one of my other BFFs at Twilight Midnight showing.  DON'T JUDGE US!

Jenna and I were talking about dating and blah blah, I can't tell you the secret workings of Jody and Jenna but we were having a really good conversation and she told me that something she had been doing lately was praying for her future husband.  I know, that sounds cheesy, but it got me to thinking, if I were my future husband, what would I be doing right now...and then I was like, dang boy, clean up your act! haha, Kidding.  But I realized that I had been so focused on ME ME ME, that I wasn't even thinking about HIM!

Now combine that with Elizabeth's story and I just have been a praying fool lately!  I have been praying for others, I have been praying for my students (its finals, they need all the help they can get) I have been praying for my work outs, I have been praying for my siblings, for their kids. I have been praying for my roommates, my co-workers.  I have been praying for dating opportunities and for the gift of discernment. i have been praying about EVERYTHING that is important to me, and it is amazing how connected to the Savior and my Father in Heaven I am.

I know that what's important to me is important to Him. I am so glad that they are just like my earthly parents, who listen to my ridiculous ramblings, who calm my fears and counsel me in my struggles and decisions.  I am trying to treat prayer just like a phone call home, because really that is exactly what it is.

So I might start praying to find a pair of these that fit...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I'm on the Up and Up

It hasn't been a real banner week in the life of me.  Do you ever just have those groups of days where you are up and down and up and down?  Well its been one of those for me.  To the point where I haven't wanted to say anything.  I'm pretty sure my roommates think I am crazy because of an evening on Thursday that started with me coming home after grading papers until 7pm, spilling the leftovers of my breakfast smoothie all over myself while walking into the house, being annoyed with said spilling, running 5 miles to make myself less mad, being annoyed with everyone anyways, complete emotional breakdown, histerical hour long conversation with my mom, and a priesthood blessing.  All before 11pm.  I am talented.

Sometimes life is just hard!  And I am realizing more and more that I am due for some really hard things to happen, and that is okay.  I feel like in the last year my ability to cope with tough situations and things has increased and with that, my probability of experiencing those things has increased. You know what they say-God must really have a sense of humor.

Now I don't say any of these things to be a downer, I have learned a lot in the last week from words from other people, aforementioned priesthood blessing, and some sweet wonderful personal revelation.  It never ceases to amaze me how much my Father in Heaven is aware of my needs and the things I struggle with.  I am so grateful for those wonderful moments.

Last sunday I was getting ready for church-like I normally do- but instead of listening to music, I decided to listen to the Mormon Radio Channel on my phone.  A small decision, probably not that significant in the scheme of things.  One of the comercials they played was one from one of the new 'I am Mormon' campaign bios.  I LOVE THESE!  I secretly want to do something really cool so that I can have one made about me.  One in particular that I have always been a fan of is Stephanie Nielson.  If you know me well you know that I am obsessed with her blog and talking about her.  I think she is so amazing.  I have heard her little ad a thousand times, but last Sunday a particular line stuck out to me more so than ever before. 

She said, 'I am not my body'.  

I know what your thinking, 'What on earth does this have to do with your moody behavior?'  'Why are you such a girl'  and 'What the heck does that even mean?'  

This may not be all that important to you, or even make sense to you in the same way that it struck a chord with me, but I found this to be some of the sweetest words I had heard in a while.  It is no secret that I have struggled my entire life with maintaining a healthy weight and diet.  I am not obese by any means but I have a hard time.  I am up and down and a lot of the time have these overwhelming feelings that 'if I were skinnier I would be married'.  Even typing that out right now makes me want to hit myself because it seems like such a stupid thing to say, but unfortunately that is how it has been.  Lately I feel like I have been loosing so much more than I have been winning in every aspect of my life.  It is sometimes so hard in those moments to feel that I am a loved daughter of God or that anyone could really love me when I have such a hard time loving all of who I am.  

As I heard the words 'I am not my body'  I realized that my worth is not based on my weight or marital status.  I realized that though I struggle, I am still important to my earthly family and my Father in Heaven.


Maybe not by a husband or a boyfriend, but by family and friends and a Savior who loves and knows me best. Surely he has born MY GRIEF and I need to remember how blessed I have been and continue to be by the Lord.  I have been waiting for the Golden Ticket of Happiness and I have not tried to find happiness in where I am Right now.  

I will never stop hoping, but I need to find beauty and sweetness in the every day life.
(I sometimes think faces/pictures like this are what cause me to still be single...)

I need to be here now.

Up And Up (Acoustic) Lyrics

Yesterday was not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today, with every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

'Cause it seems I get so hung up on the history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
But I'm finally catching on to it, yeah, the past is just a conduit
And the light, there at the end is where I'll be

'Cause I'm on the up and up, I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up, given up on what I know I'm capable of
Yeah, I'm on the up and up and yeah, there's nothing left to prove
'Cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you
A better version of me for you

To be prosperous would not require much of me
You see, contentment is the one thing it entails
To be content with where I am and getting where I need to be
And moving past the past where I have failed

But I'm finally catching on to it and yeah, the past is just a conduit
And the light, there at the end is where I'll be

Oh, 'cause I'm on the up and up, I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up, given up on what I know I'm capable of
Yeah, I'm on the up and up and yeah, there's nothing left to prove
'Cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you
A better version of me for you

Never cease to supply me with what I need for a good life
So when I'm down, I'll hold my head up high
'Cause you're the reason why, yeah, you're why

I'm on the up and up, I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up, given up on what I know I'm capable of
Yeah, I'm on the up and up, so yeah, there's nothing left to prove
'Cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you
I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

TMFH: High Heels

They are cute, but don't be weirded out when I take them off towards the end of the night.  You try walking around on your tip toes for an hour and then see how comfortable you are.

Plus, sometimes a girl needs a weapon handy.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

All Hail the Chinese Fortune Cookie

So school started. 

You probably noticed that because you haven't heard from me.  I have been sucked into the abyss that is full-time teacher-dom (which is totally a word and you can look it up in the dictionary and it will have all sorts of definitions and explanations and even pictures of teachers pulling their hairs out.  Try it) Its been a roller coaster to tell you the truth.  I have to remind myself on the bad days that I am awesome.  And on the good days I have to humble myself by saying tomorrow I probably won't be as awesome as I was today.

But the point is I'm awesome.

I have had some pretty cool moments.  Both of my observations (when my department chair comes into my class and decides whether I'm doing my job or not and get to keep my job) have gone really well.  Like today when the kiddos were doing a test review and I was monitering and C. decided to ask if I had any Spanish music that was peppier because the song Pandora was playing 'sounded like a bad country song, but at least with country she understood the words'.  I laughed and so did my DC.  Today a student asked me to make him cookies for his birthday...cuz I'm so domestic and all.  I told him I was not made of money.  When he rebutted (I love that word) that I was a teacher I gave them the break down of my salary per student and then showed them what I would get paid if I were just BABYSITTING them each day (which comes out to about $220,000 a year...I don't even make a quarter of that) they asked me why I wanted to be a teacher and I simply stated, 'I love to teach!'

Obviously it hasn't all been tie-dyed t-shirts and fruity drinks.  I've had some pretty rough days.  Last Tuesday in particular just plain out stunk.   I have one class that I want to rip their little faces a good way.  They just struggle with paying attention and I struggle with dealing with their inability to pay attention and so it is just kind of out of control on so many different levels.  We have had some good days and I am learning to applaud the small triumphs (literally, they get high fives and standing ovations because I am that kind of teacher) so that I can hopefully get them where I want them.  Anywho, it was a tough day.  I called my sister and cried and then she reminded me that I signed up for this line of work and I was like, 'WTHeck...what was I thinking'.  Then I got all dressed up to go to the gym, and en-route decided that I wanted Chinese food instead. (Diet starts monday haha). 

As I finished up my Mongolian Beef and brocolli I anxiously opened my fortune cookie to see what the fates had in store for me and guess what they said...

Rome wasn't built in a day.  Be patient!

And guess what I did

I cried.  Duh.

So there I was at my kitchen table, crying over a fortune cookie and thinking, I am so glad that I have a Heavenly Father who knows me well enough to know that that is all I needed.

I am not the only creation that God has ever made, but he knows darn good and well how to treat me like I am his most prized posession and remind me that he loves me just the same...even if I can't teach adjective agreement very well without confusing the kiddos, or I get frustrated and want to give up.  He still loves me, and cares how I'm doing and counts the hairs on my chinny chin chin.

So today, I wasn't awesome...but tomorrow?

Either way, at least I'll have something to blog about.