Thursday, March 25, 2010

Deep in the heart of....ah who'm I kidding I hate Texas

Sleeping in has been a horrible habit to get into during the week where everything is due.  Unfortunately my body has decided to be terrible lately.  I have no energy...I haven't even run this week! And of course this is the week that all teachers assign things because they think that they are being so clever in assigning things two weeks before the last week of the semester and nobody else is as clever as they are to assign things.  Yeah, thanks,  I have a billion papers now to write because you are 'so clever'.

So this has been the week of big little changes for me.  A few months back I talked about doing my student teaching in D.C.  I was all set up to go, all excited to go...I even had my first day of school outfit picked out.  (A little premature you say?'re probably right but a girl has to get excited about something okay.)  A few days ago I get an email stating that I would not be able to do my TELL (Teaching English Language Learners) practicum (mini student teaching) in D.C. and was I aware of that and would I be doing it in Utah next winter.  Um. No.  That was not my plan.  So I start making phone calls and sending emails and come to find out that, basically, BYU hates me....

Okay they don't hate me but they do not want to budge on this one.  I was pretty upset.  I came home and went to a friend of mine's apartment to vent.  This is about how this went down.

(embrace for a long period of time because he gives good hugs)
ME:I can't go to D.C.
Alex: I'm sorry.  That sucks
ME: I am so mad right now
Roommate 1: Maybe this is God telling you you aren't supposed to go.
ME: You are not helping
Alex: Yeah I think he may be on to something.
Me: You are not helping
Roommate 2: Yeah, look at it this way, you made a decision and Heavenly Father is basically telling you its the wrong one!
ME: You guys suck.  Don't play the God card.  I want to be upset.
Alex: We are just sayin, you have options.

So I have been weighing out my options.  I can go to Houston, do my student teaching and my TELL practicum at the same time no problem.  But Houston just doesn't sound as exciting as D.C.  and it wasn't the plan.  I talked to the coordinators today and they said it wouldn't be a problem to switch to Houston, but I don't know that I really want to go there.  The upside to going there is that there are a lot of jobs for teachers there and they start you at $45,000 a year...which is pretty good for a teacher right out of college.  Student teaching there would be good because it would give me a sense of what Texas was all about without committing me to teaching there for life.

Or I could stay in Utah.  Which I discovered, much to my own shock, is what I consider a cowardly move today.  I said it out loud and realized that that is my big stigma with staying here.  Because me staying here is me having no faith.  Its the part of me that says, 'You can't leave Utah, you aren't married!'  Its the part of me that my parents agree with and the part of me that I hate the most.  Perfectly mormon people get married out of Utah all the time.  I don't need to stay I?

I can't help but think, and shame on me for thinking this, that this would all be so much easier if I had a husband who's life could help scaffold mine.  I know I know, not this again.  But honestly, when you have a teaching degree and no husband going to school or working or whatever, when you graduate you can LITERALLY go almost anywhere.  And if you haven't noticed, the U.S. is kind of gynormous.  

So where do I go??  How do you choose when both options are good and neither are inherently 'wrong'?

"In life ALL must choose at times.  Sometimes, two possibilities are good; neither is evil.  Usually however, one is of greater import than the other.  When in doubt, each must choose that which concerns the good of others-the greater law- rather than that which chiefly benefits ourselves- the lesser law.  The greater must be chosen, whether it be law or thing..." - Elder John A. Widtsoe

I guess I'll make a pros and cons list.


  1. No worries, I'm not in love with Texas either. Like I told you, last week every time I thought about Houston, I cried. But, I feel like it really is a move of faith on my part. Jody, on of the scariest parts of it all was the idea that I would be leaving behind so many good friends and going to a place where I know nobody and where I have nobody. But, when I found out you might be coming, things really started looking up. Ha ha! reading your post, I realized how much we really have in common at this point in our lives. And believe you me, I have definitely had to combat the stupid, "you can't find a husband outside of Utah" ideas. But it's simply not true. In fact, my wise sister pointed out to me the other day...Charla, Provo is almost the worst place for you to be right now. Most of the guys you are meeting are younger than you, and the ones that are older are still in school and poor college students. Wouldn't it be awesome to leave Utah and meet some guy who has his PHD or a stable job already, who's older than you, who has been waiting for you his whole life? Well, Jody...who knows. Maybe that amazing guy is in Houston...maybe not. But, somehow I feel I need to "Get on with my Life." it's time to grow up and leave Never Neverland...aka Provo. But just know Jody, the fact that you are going makes all of this ten times easier for me. We gon be tight sista!

  2. I'm totally in this blog!!! And not as a mysterious "Roommate 1 or 2". I feel so special. And I give THE BEST hugs. No worries, Jody. It will all work out for the best.

  3. I think you have the wrong impression about Texas. Ok, I have never actually set foot in Texas but, I have had several friends move there and they all seemed to love it. Housing costs in Texas are MUCH cheaper than basically anywhere else (due to the lack of land use regulation) but salaries there are not lower. In other words, the quality of life is higher in Texas. I agree with Ms. Aranda. You will meet older more established guys out of Utah. I am not saying you absolutely should go to Texas, just that it sounds like a viable option.

  4. One more thing. I don't think you should make your decision based on your marital status. It's okay to not be married and in another place besides Utah. This issn't the only place with Mormons.. Pray, use your best judgment, and "Come What May and Love It." I'm super jealous that you're going to Texas.. that's where I want to do my student teaching. We can still accomplish great goals, help lots of people, and even be happy ourselves with out being married.

  5. My best friend was in the same situation as you...she only got one job offer: from Houston and she relocated and has LOVED it and is now marrying a texas boy...go where you need to be...don't stress especially if it's where you don't THINK you WANT to go...I love you and am there for you!

  6. first things first, i'm kind of upset that you didn't tell me about these major changes in your plans. what? you were just gonna let me find a job in the d.c. area and let me move without you when i was really only looking there because you suggested it in the first place? that hurts.
    okay, now that that is out of the way, let me just say that i love you lots and lots and remind you that this is not the end of the world. i realize you really wanted this, but there must be something better out there be it texas or utah or anywhere else in the world you choose to go. if it helps, i totally understand how you feel (being 26 and single myself) i've spent the last 3 years trying to figure out what to do with my life. it's hard, but it gets better-it has to right?

  7. I just love your blog jody. and I grew up in Texas- Houston to be exact. And it's not that bad. You'll make friends your first day. And remember the promises. They are sure. I tell myself that everyday.
    "Cast not away thy confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. For ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise."
    And- I'm going to DC for an internship/possibly to live the rest of my life in 4 weeks, and I'm scared to death. But it will all work out, right?