All Hail the Chinese Fortune Cookie

So school started. 

You probably noticed that because you haven't heard from me.  I have been sucked into the abyss that is full-time teacher-dom (which is totally a word and you can look it up in the dictionary and it will have all sorts of definitions and explanations and even pictures of teachers pulling their hairs out.  Try it) Its been a roller coaster to tell you the truth.  I have to remind myself on the bad days that I am awesome.  And on the good days I have to humble myself by saying tomorrow I probably won't be as awesome as I was today.

But the point is I'm awesome.

I have had some pretty cool moments.  Both of my observations (when my department chair comes into my class and decides whether I'm doing my job or not and get to keep my job) have gone really well.  Like today when the kiddos were doing a test review and I was monitering and C. decided to ask if I had any Spanish music that was peppier because the song Pandora was playing 'sounded like a bad country song, but at least with country she understood the words'.  I laughed and so did my DC.  Today a student asked me to make him cookies for his birthday...cuz I'm so domestic and all.  I told him I was not made of money.  When he rebutted (I love that word) that I was a teacher I gave them the break down of my salary per student and then showed them what I would get paid if I were just BABYSITTING them each day (which comes out to about $220,000 a year...I don't even make a quarter of that) they asked me why I wanted to be a teacher and I simply stated, 'I love to teach!'

Obviously it hasn't all been tie-dyed t-shirts and fruity drinks.  I've had some pretty rough days.  Last Tuesday in particular just plain out stunk.   I have one class that I want to rip their little faces off...in a good way.  They just struggle with paying attention and I struggle with dealing with their inability to pay attention and so it is just kind of out of control on so many different levels.  We have had some good days and I am learning to applaud the small triumphs (literally, they get high fives and standing ovations because I am that kind of teacher) so that I can hopefully get them where I want them.  Anywho, it was a tough day.  I called my sister and cried and then she reminded me that I signed up for this line of work and I was like, 'WTHeck...what was I thinking'.  Then I got all dressed up to go to the gym, and en-route decided that I wanted Chinese food instead. (Diet starts monday haha). 

As I finished up my Mongolian Beef and brocolli I anxiously opened my fortune cookie to see what the fates had in store for me and guess what they said...

Rome wasn't built in a day.  Be patient!

And guess what I did

I cried.  Duh.

So there I was at my kitchen table, crying over a fortune cookie and thinking, I am so glad that I have a Heavenly Father who knows me well enough to know that that is all I needed.

I am not the only creation that God has ever made, but he knows darn good and well how to treat me like I am his most prized posession and remind me that he loves me just the same...even if I can't teach adjective agreement very well without confusing the kiddos, or I get frustrated and want to give up.  He still loves me, and cares how I'm doing and counts the hairs on my chinny chin chin.

So today, I wasn't awesome...but tomorrow?

 

Either way, at least I'll have something to blog about.

Bad News Bears

I discovered in a Zumba class today that I can not shimmy while moving my feet at the same time...

I'm doomed.

Kids say the darndest things

Group of girls writing a skit: Ms. Mac, ¿Cómo se dice botín en ingles?
Me: Booty, like pirate treasure.
Group of girls: Doesn't it mean swag? We are writing our skit like Jersey Shore.
Me: That is sad.

I love my job.

To My Future Husband, Wherever You Are

¡¡¡¡DISCLAIMER!!!! This is quite the serious post, you have been warned.

If you had told me at 18 years old that I would graduate from college and move to Houston, Texas and become a Spanish teacher, I would have laughed in your face.  My two years of high school Spanish had basically taught me to count to one hundred, getting a big confused at around sixty, and label every color and school item in the classroom-very useful for a conversation about the weather or politics.  If you would have told me that I would serve a mission, graduate from college and start my teaching career with no impending marriage on the horizon, I would have wondered why life was even worth living.

And yet here I am.

I woke up this morning with a strong desire to write a book.  The sad part is the only thing I could think about was starting with what  I did this morning and documenting the life of a single mormon girl.  I think John Bytheway said it best when he described marriage as a duet and then being single was like trying to sing it by yourself.  Everyone stands around you and wonders why you can't do it, laughs at you even saying, what is wrong with you?  Just sing the notes that are written, but one person can't possibly do it, so it is pointless to try.  That's how i felt- how I FEEL sometimes.

I am not depressed or unhappy, I am so glad I am where I am doing what I'm doing.  I know I'm where I'm supposed to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but I guess that is the scariest part of all.  Thinking that maybe this is the plan, this is my potential and that I will never be anything more than a teacher, wishing to be a mother instead of the other way around.

I don't know where you are, or if you are even out there, but I want you to know that what you see is what you get.  I cannot be someone that I am not, but I am trying to be better.  But there are some things you really should know.

I will always be the girl who thinks her sisters are her only true friends, who idolizes her younger brother and loves her older brother more than he will ever really see.  I will forever be the girl who calls her dad just because she misses him, but will always make up some question about the car just so she can talk to him for a minute.  I will never stop being the girl who can talk to her mom for hours about things that she doesnt' really care about, just because her mom will always be the most entertaining person she will ever know.  I will always curse when I'm angry and limit my crying to the shower because I don't want people to hear me.  I will forever listen to my music too loud and set seven alarms for various times about an hour before I actually HAVE to get up, because it takes me that long to get out of bed.  I will be the girl who secretly wants to give talks in sacrament meeting, who wants to play your guitar, but will never tell you that while we are sitting at a campfire. I will always be the girl who laughs too loud and cries too long, who sneezes three times every time and quotes movies like she saw them just yesterday.  I will always love fictional characters and compare every guy I meet to Lloyd Dobler.

That is me.  And if you never come, I will understand and be okay with it. I cannot change who I am for someone else, and though I am always trying to be better, there are things I just don't want to change

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for His arm to be revealed. Doctrine and Covenants 123:17  That's all I can do, and I'll keep praying that you are as patient as I need you to be, as funny as I hope you are, and as willing to work as I hope I am.

P.S. I cheat at solitaire.

TMFH: Dancing

I like to dance.a.lot.  I have been known to dance in the following places:

Hallways at church
Grocery store
Work
Your work parties
My work parties
Kitchen
Living Room
Dining Room
Shower
School functions
Mountain tops
In the car
While running
At the gym
Fishing
In the middle of serious discussions
When I am pretending to listen to you
When you are not listening to me
When I'm angry
When I'm happy
When I'm hungry
When I'm cooking
When someone else is cooking
When I am feeling anything...

I hope you can live with that.

Ebineezer Scrooge Ain't Got Nothin On Me

So there once was a guy named Samuel.  He was a prophet.  He was sent to tell the Israelites that they were not doing so hot.  He told them to repent and that if they did, the Philistines would stop kicking the crap out of them.  They did, and then asked him to pray for them.  Being a prophet, he was kind of a big deal, so Samuel prayed.  The Philistines saw all the Israelites in one place and thought, HEY! This will be like shooting fish in a barrel, except they didn't factor in that whole 'God' thing.  The Israelites, freshly repentant, were saved.

Samuel laid a stone between the Israelites and the Philistines, calling it Ebenezer, and declared that the Lord had helped them to that point.  Ebenezer has since been known as the stone of help.

On June 18, 2011, I set out to run a marathon.  It was something I had decided to do in honor of a friend, it was something I followed through with because it had a lot of meaning for me, it was something that gave me a cause and it was something that made me work towards something.  I did it to feel closer to my God.

I could hardly eat the night before.  My dad forced some spaghetti down my throat and I mulled around the house all night trying to sleep.  I woke up that morning terrified.  I kept repeating to my dad that this was the most scared I have ever been.  He would reassure me that I would be fine and reminded me of all the training I did.

The first song on my shuffle was Ke$ha.  I knew it was gonna be a good run.  I said a prayer for Brittni and then I was off.  Lets just say that the first 4 miles I was on fire, and then the next 10 were brutal.  By half way I wanted to die because I had ascended the entire way!  When I got to the highest point of the race there was a couple sitting there, they happily said, 'Its all down hill from here!' I almost burst with excitement.

As I came down the halfway point, my cheersquad was there.  They are the best friends that anyone could ask for.  I was so grateful to have them and to be honest, felt more of Brittni in what they did for me than even running the race.  They were there every few miles with words of encouragement.

At about mile 20 I saw my dad for the first time.  He could tell I was spent, and so he was there every two miles after that with a popsicle.  He would cheer me on and tell me where I would see him next.  It was so awesome.  It gave me smaller goals to look forward to.

In the end, I finished.  And all I have to say is that it is by divine help that I did.

This summer, I lay my Ebenezer here in Alaska.  I have learned so much about myself, I have learned about what I want to be.  I have learned about doing the right thing, even when it is hard, about repenting when it hurts.  I have learned about my family, who my friends are, and I have learned about laying down a rock in places where I have struggled, but where I have felt the Lord with me.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;

How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

So here's to you Ebenezer.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

TMFH: Self Portraits

I hope you love this face

Cuz you are gonna see it in every album of every vacation/graduation/baby birthing/exciting event photo album we ever have.

Just giving you fair warning.